Glasgow Unicorn was born on the 5th of March, 2021. Something else was reborn that day. Or re-ignited. For well over two decades, the lasting impact of abuse on my confidence and mental health was sometimes overwhelming. I have always struggled to express what was wrong. At the time things were happening, I was being conditioned to deceive people about what was occurring.
I do not intend to go in to details about what happened to me. The intention is to explore and express my inner thoughts. I used to write about my experiences and mental health problems. I was never able to admit the whole truth about my experiences. This limited the ability of Mental Health Services to provide me with no treatment – instead I received the wrong treatment which further compounded mental trauma.
I have spent most of my adult life with a constant fear. The lasting impact of abuse would almost seem to have faded when something else would bring everything back. The feeling of having control taken away. The fear of losing people I care about if they knew. The direct threats made to people I loved. The innocence finally snuffed out. The young adulthood, and subsequent happy adulthood stolen. The Unicorn Lost.
Once upon a time, I drew. I painted. I mostly kept it to myself. It was my own secret, a harmless one that I could share or guard as I pleased. I could appear to be supremely confident, with a brave face and everything. Inside, I was frequently shrinking. Like when you start speaking a sentence out loud, and then realise you’re not making sense. But inside my head. Confident thoughts silenced to a whisper by self-doubt. In the early days, the dark shadow of the past would manifest frequently. The incessant mental anguish hidden away for most of my life (sometimes successfully, sometimes not) has fundamentally undermined my ability to fully open up.
Completing “Glasgow Unicorn” represented a turning point for me. I had created something I actually wanted to share. So I shared it with some lovely people, including the best, and they encouraged me. I felt real confidence in being able to convey a message – be it hope, rememberance, long-term impact, despair, redemption – the list goes on. I am exploring my mental health, and expressing images to convey things I have struggled with. Identity. Confidence. Self worth. Self Image. Duality.
The work on this site is dedicated to the ones I love, my family (the ones I love, and the ones I’ve adopted), and my fellow Survivors. “Glasgow Unicorn” has given me an identity to express myself, whilst retaining some privacy. The first rule of Unicorn Club: We respect anonymity when it’s asked for. Whilst this is not a particularly safe space in terms of the presented content, I urge the viewer to look at each piece and not judge the current mental state of the artist. Instead, look at each piece through the eyes of a Survivor, then again as a critique on how poorly we handle mental ill health.
There is a haste to “label” rather than question. A rush to “checklists” and no exploration of the wider context. I have completed enough checklists to tell you that on a GAD I’m going to hit mid-to-frequent for anxiety at the moment. I’m going to show strongly for PTSD. I’m doing to show as moderately depressed, but the 4 week analysis is going to show it is stable or improving. For some, that’s a living hellscape. Averaged out over my life, that’s normal. Slightly better than normal, really. Ask me what’s causing me to feel down, ask me where it all stems from. Don’t make me feel threatened. I’ll just shut down and run away. It’s like playing a game of minesweeper, unfortunately, and neither of us can see the board.
Finally, as you view the pieces, worry not for this Unicorn. The kind words and encouragement so far have stopped me from bolting, but I am still skittish. I have been releasing a piece per day, essentially, since I restarted. I have rediscovered a creative urge, and plan to keep producing things for as long as I keep having ideas. If you like the work, there are ways to support the causes Glasgow Unicorn cares about; causes that have great meaning and do excellent things to help others – click on the “unicorn” at the top of the page.
If you would like to view all pieces in order, click here. As with all the best paradoxes in a Unicorn’s life, to navigate to the “next” piece, use the “Previous Post” link at the bottom of each page. The pieces have been repaginated now, and appear in order.
Shine a light on the darkness, and join me in Breaking the Silence.
Glasgow Unicorn,
19/3/2021. Updated 25/3/2021.
Contact Glasgow Unicorn: